Don't ask for Cold Milk.

Many's the time my sister & I met for a coffee at the Spur. Oh how we loathed a waiter who would bring a jug of HOT milk when we had specifically asked for COLD milk. And always we emphasised the "C-O-L-D" with raised eyebrows that specifically implied,"O-R E-L-S-E".

But Sis, when you come to Oz, do NOT ask for COLD milk. Your waitperson will look at you as tho' you just fell off the turnip truck. Or she might look at you like Cameron did a few weeks ago when learning how to focus: stare quite intently at you but not be quite able to take in the whole picture. With one eyeball sailing towards the nose to form a perfect one-eyed squint. To be held for about 5 seconds.

The first time I asked for COLD milk with my coffee, I think I was being too general in my description of just exactly what it was I wanted. It just didn't match the options available. No boxes for the waitperson/ess/tron to tick.

Much like when my mom and I were in Brussels once (yes, you know just stopped over there for a day or two being international jetset etc) and were STARVING. Finally found somewhere to eat and Mother's schoolgirl French spotted the "Steak Americaine" as a good option to order. (IE we couldn't understand diddly on the menu.)

Some considerable time was spent telling the waitress (!) that we wanted it "m-e-d-i-u-m r-a-r-e. For her response see description of the one-eyed squint (whilst thinking "you b-l-o-o-d-y tourists.")

Imagine our embarassment when our order arrived in the form of the altogether completely always raw and never cooked in any way partially or in totality STEAK TARTARE.

And Homer said, "doh."

In much the same way the waitron here would not could not ask the coffee maker person to use cold milk. I have attached some images to illustrate your caffeinated options.

Memorise them on the 'plane. So that you don't do what I did and order randomly by closing my eyes and picking whichever one my finger landed on to see what I got. (Hey I'm spontaneous and fun that way.)

TIP: I have found I am sometimes able to order a long black with a little jug of C-O-L-D milk.

But I do get strange looks.

NOTICE: The difference is all down to HOW MUCH WARM milk is used. My pleasure.

Click to enlarge.